You don’t like me? Fine, I don’t care. Just stop being fake to my face.
If you try to avoid me because you think I’m awkward just because I’m naturally a quiet person that’s your problem. If you can’t accept that stop pretending to be friends with me.
If I’m just an outlet for you to talk about girls because I try to support you, I’m not here for you anymore. I genuinely care for people in my life, but if you don’t want it I will gladly take that away.
I don’t know why this pisses me off, but maybe it’s the fact that you’re such an ass to people and I really try to see the good in you as best I can. But no. Now you’ve failed me, and they have too.
They tell me “that’s just who he is”. Well guess what? People who talk shit about their friends behind their back isn’t a true friend in my eyes. Sure, I’ll admit that I’m no saint but you take it 10 levels up.
Fuck being a female. Fucking time of the month.
I am jealous.
I feel like she’s the one I’m going to lose him to just because he said that.
What is wrong with me.
They just met.
It’s weird. Before, the things people would say would bother me and affect the way I thought about the other person. But now, I completely ignore it and take the person as they are without the world throwing their own thoughts at me. I like it.
But then again it could just be this situation and the fact that I know the other person always acts this way.
Oh great. I’m not boring, I’m just not interesting. My self esteem is just rising tonight!
I need to find something I can fully put myself into.
Something where I lose myself and forget about everything, and all that matters is me and what I’m doing.
I need something to invest myself in.
Because people come and go, and I don’t want to get hurt.
Ugh I’m going to be sooooo sad when he leaves. Won’t see him for three weeks cause he’s off to camp and before he gets back I’ll be off in BC. Goodbye nightly skyping. We actually haven’t let a single night pass by without us talking. This is going to be hard :(
ON THE OTHER HAND I’m going to catch up on all of my posts and try to train myself to have good sleeping habits while he’s gone… JK.
Woke up with a pounding headache. Lazy morning.
Tried sleeping off the headache but failed to do so so I resorted to my best friend, Advil.
Picked up Andrew around 5 then headed to Tammy’s aunts place for her birthday party. Awks when we got there because no one but her mom and aunt were there.
Once everyone was there we played Clue. My first time playing and we played it wrong which was why the games moved so fast. Gave up when the real rules were read out XD
Me, Siana and Agatha times <3 love my girls hehe. Deep talks on the couch while everyone played Canadaoply. We knew that some particular people were pissed but no fucks were given lol. Told the m my cute first kiss story. Siana texting Taran penis things on my phone HAHAHA.
FOOOOOOOOOOD. And cake overload x___x
Finally got to playing on the Wii as the night was coming to a close. I kept denying to to play, but once I did I could not stop… the mini game challenges XD Andrew telling me the thingy. Omfg bffs for life.
Played Just Dance after which was really fun. Such a workout but a jip since the sensor didn’t catch all of the moves cause the room was so crowded ==
All of Alyssa’s cake pops… Mmmm ^^
Dropped off Andrew and Alyssa at Andrew’s then headed home.
Skyped with the boyfriend after he finished work :)
- - -
Rêve - Dream
Woke up early to catch the school special for music sorting! Me and Tammy were the only ones on the bus.
Got to school and saw George conversing with Ms.Lucas.. so awks LOL. Gave George his resignation letter. Returned my mouthpieces to the business office; felt so good when they said I owed nothing. Really gonna miss that lady :(
Chatted and stayed with Tammy and George since no one was really there for music sorting yet. Diane telling Tammy to get off of the table… smh.
Set up tables in the band room but still didn’t get started till after a while… SO I printed off a crap load of sheet music to use up the money left on my school account AND because my printer at home still has no ink… might as well use the resources offered to me XD
Played some of the stuff in the back room… hehe.
Got started on sorting on my own since nothing was going on, and then people slowly started coming in to help.
Saw my loves (Alex and Siana) <3
Left before 11 with Taran to have lunch with him before he called in to see if he had work. Cutsie time on the bus.
Ate at St.Bourbons Grill for the first time… yummy chicken :D Taran finishing all of the drinks -___-
Turns out he had to work so I dropped him off after and said goodbye. Sad that he had to work, but it had to be done. Hehe lifting me up off the ground and spinning me when we hugged. Ahh so cute. The awks moment that follwed that we clarified later LOL.
Window shopped at H&M to kill time before catching my bus. Saw Daniel as I was about to leave and gave him a big hug after he was done with the customer. Never knew he worked there. Really miss that kid and our shenanigans in Honour Band. Nice to see him again :)
Bussed back to the school.
Aimlessly walked around outside because I didn’t know where everyone was since everyone got kicked out due to the teacher’s luncheon. Eventually found them in the shade of the trees by the atrium windows. Sad Alex had to leave when I got there :(
Chilled with Christine, Johnna, and Siana for the afternoon :)Feels under the trees ~ Christine retelling my story haha.
Cutesies with Johnna and Christine. Seeing Sophie biking and calling out her name. Chatted for a bit. Ahh such a cutie pie~
Andrew eventually arriving.
Kneel hug before leaving. Missed the bus and walked to Stony Plain in the blazing heat.. Terrified of getting dark.Good talks with Andrew :) I love how he’s so easy to talk to and we can talk about anything. Wish I was that comfortable with other people.
Bus got there a few minutes after we got there -_-
Got to the mall and bought Tammy and Chi’s birthday present from DeSerres and Urban Outfitters. Browsed around Forever 21 after then went back to H&M to try stuff on. Felt like the biggest jerk.I dislike borrowing money :( Thank you soo much Andrew T_T <3 thanks to him I was able to get the stuff I wanted. Eff. Got the cherry top I wanted but in black, a red and white dress for Canada day, and the perfect pair of shorts.
Waited on the bus for a good 15 minutes cause it didn’t leave. Could’ve seen Taran since he got off earlier than he expected. SO MAD. AJKBSJDKBFD. WHY DID THE BUS JUST HAVE TO SIT THERE.
Got to the stop in front of O2 Joes and waited it out for the bus. Compared skin color with Andrew; turns out we’re both dark LOL.
Yuvie and her mom seeing us waiting for the bus and offering us a ride home. So thankful TT___TT Felt like a jerk because I always do ._. Turns out Yuvie was coming home from orientaion at Bootlegger.
Skyped with the boyfriend later on that night :)
- - -
Aimant - Magnet
Chill morning where I didn’t have to get out of bed till later. Literally just stayed in my bed. After eating lunch I took a nap because I was just tuckered out from the past few days of cramming combined with staying up late.
Christine then called me later in the afternoon asking me if we were still going to the music store and I said I would go another time but she persisted to I gave in. Quickly got ready and hopped on the bus at 3:12. Bus driver was totes adorbs and asked me if I wanted to play sax on the bus but I declined (this may have happened last week BUT OH WELL!) Got to downtown and waited a while for the 7. Such a windy day with a hot sun ==
Eventually got to Whyte but got off a stop early since I wasn’t exactly sure where I was. Loitered in the music store for half an hour browsing through music books as I waited for Augustine to arrive. Later I get a call and they ask me where I am; turns out they were at the other Long and McQuade in downtown.. sigh. Was planning to bus there but time was running short and by the time I got there the store would be closing so I decided to bus to the Uni and just wait for them there. Got a creeper text from Becky and they eventually saw me after I transferred bus stops. Too bad they came right as the bus got there :( Gave Karen and Becky a hug!
Got to the Uni and got off a stop too early once again so I had to walk farther. My instrument just felt like the world. Crashed in the usual spot by the library in the field and just lay there staring at the sky hidden in the shade of the trees. Lay there for an hour by myself listening to The Beatles and drifting in and out of sleep. At this point I got really grumpy and just wanted to go home, Augustine eventually came. Still stayed lying on the ground till it was time to go to rehearsal.
Met a new girl; a bari sax player named Brynn. I was still the only tenor. She was nice and we were the same age so it was awesome :) Wish I talked to her more but I was still moody and tired so I didn’t have much drive in me. Vicky didn’t show up so after band I was deserted since my father didn’t get the gist of me not calling meant pick me up == So I had to bus home which made me extra grumpy especially since my parents got mad at me for it.
Dad picked me up at O2 Joe’s when I got off the bus.
Skyped later on at night with Taran and talked about random stuff. Missed him during the day since he didn’t go to rehearsal because he had a busy day and needed a break. Felt better as I talked to him and ended up sleeping on a happy note :)
- - -
Vœu - Wish (one you make)
YEEEEEEEEEE BUDDY!!!! SUMMER HAS NOW BEGUN. Got Chem over and done with; longest and toughest diploma out of all the ones I’ve written but no fucks given. I’M FREE!!!!!
Pretty much had the most amazing and perfect afternoon and evening. More than I could ever ask for. Ever.
4square/4S (what I shall refer to when Me, Taran, Christine, and Augustin are together) walked 4 blocks to catch the 1 since we missed the 7. Christine and Augustin “we must always be ahead of you” complex. Hiding in the bushes to see if they notice. Jay walking like badasses to catch up to them XD
Soo hot outside but not sunny, which I was extremely thankful for. Absolutely did not want to get dark/burnt especially since I spent majority of the day outside.
While waiting for the bus… Christine pretending to bite Augustin which made me laugh a little too hard. Creating my bun and Taran sticking his bus pass into my hair T_T
Cutesies on the bus. “We’re done…. OUR CHEMISTRY EXAMS” biggest troll. Saw the Black Sheep; automatic jungle created by Taran ahahaha.
Walking to BMO and see the poster is multicultural with a white, black ,and asian kid together in soccer uniforms.
Taran: “You three represent the asian and I represent the white”
Christine: “No the black kid is Danielle” AHAHAHAHA
Third wheeled while Taran went to get money and held hands with them :D
Walked to The Old Spaghetti Factory/Creperie. Couldn’t decide on where to go but just went with the one that looked the least sketchy. Ordered Baked Tortellini… Mmmm. Awks seating arrangement. Sauce somehow dripping on the side of my face and Taran wiping it off… ahhh >_>
Got lured into The Works because of the awesome sax playing. Listened to MASH (can’t remember their full band name). Awesome group. Really cool when they went into the audience for their last song :)
Split up from Augustine and headed to the River Valley with Taran~
Walked down the unending staircase of death and found a newly built area with pretty benches down below Shaw. Kept walking on and saw the roof of the gazebo at the Chinese garden and proceeded to walk up stairs of death. Literally died and wanted to crash after seeing that another flight of stairs had to be climbed. Saw that there was a freshly cut open field with a pretty view so we plopped down. Little did we know that we would be spending the entire time there.
Appreciated the view, talked about random things, and played I Spy. The heat and lack of sleep was making me tired so we laid down on the grass. Cutesies and stuff; cuddles, face touching, cheek kisses, etc. Comfortable silence kind of thing.
The highlight of the outing was…. dun dun dun. Here’s the story, prepare for the splurge (or maybe lack thereof) of feels!!:
After 2 hours of lying in the grass we eventually came face to face, noses touching and arms wrapped around each other. That strong pull of wanting to make the first move but holding back because the guy should do it was running through my mind. Suddenly he brings about our “french word of the day” which we’ve recently started. “Hmm.. do you know what baiser means?” I wasn’t quite sure, but knew the gist of where the conversation was going. “Would you like me to show you?” Sure I replied. “Close your eyes” BAM FIREWORKS AND AHHH FEELS. SJKDBJKBFDHKVBFKDHVFKD. THOSE LINES THAT ONLY HAPPEN IN MOVIES LIKE WHAT EVEN CUTENESS.
SUDDENLY, This Love starts ringing. Christine calling me since we were supposed to meet up with Angelica at 5. Clearly ignoring the call and being too lazy to crawl to where my bag was.
“Are you serious. I’m not going to get that right now.” Hahaha. “So did you get what that meant?” he asked. “Hmm… I’m not sure.” I reply. And then (apparently) I instigated the second and BAM FEELS AND THINGS I WILL NOT EXPLAIN BUT WILL KEEP WITH ME. It was magical. It was amazing. It’s something I will NEVER forget. And just ahhh “wow”. We were both speechless after that. No words to describe what just happened.
Called Christine back and saw that it was already 4:45 and we were supposed to meet up with Angelica at 5 on Whyte…
Kept crashing to the ground because my feels could not be contained LOL. Embraced for a long moment before heading back.
Trudged up the stairs while trying to control my feels. Eventually got to Churchill and creeped on Augustine by the fountain. Apparently they were there the whole time and were unaware that we left the premises and that they were allowed to venture off hahahaha. I can’t believe I’m that obvious :( they both knew what happened just by looking at me. Dammit I’m terrible at concealing my happy feels.
Slowly made our way to the bus stop and said our goodbye’s.
Bussed with Christine and shared some feels. Got to Chapters waaaay later than we were supposed to and freaked out when we couldn’t find Angelica since she didn’t have a phone so we wouldn’t know if she was safe. Texted Richard if he knew where she was and he didn’t know. Searched the whole store for her and waited outside to see if she would appear. Literally became worried parents.
Went to eat at DQ since Angelica wasn’t there. Plans for hooka will be rescheduled, though I didn’t mind since I had the worst headache forming because of the hot weather. Ordered a chili dog… Mmm sooooooo good. Started pouring outside. Christine breaking the number thing. Classy DQ; get served. Christine running across the world as I told her the story of my afternoon hahaha. FINALLY getting a call back from Angelica after calling her house twice and her not being there. Apparently took her 2 hours just to get home, and there we were thinking she was left for dead for the past few hours.
Going to the bus stop and seeing that the hooka place was right beside DQ -___- fail. Waited forever for the bus. When there’s thunder: look up at the sky…. “It’s time” Frog face. Best thing ever LOL.
Being approached by a random male offering us smokes and drinks. Declined his offers but he was really nice. Christine: “We’re in university” hahaha. Ahhh saying we were beautiful and stuff :P Telling us about what he planned his future to be and finding out he was our age LOL.
After a while he and his friends passed by us as the left and they complimented us heh heh. I actually felt really flattered that strangers would say such things.
Bus FINALLY came after god knows how long.
Got to City Center and had to go to the bathroom which turned out to already be locked :( Laid down on the benches since there was still some time to kill till my bus came. Got approached by a creepy man. Christine using her Angela alter ego and I using my nickname as my alias. Him asking us a question we could not comprehend due to his heavy accent but us saying no over and over again. Looked at my phone and pretended that the bus was coming soon to give us an excuse to leave even though there was still 15 minutes left.
Waited for the bus and turns out the guy was taking the bus too so we avoided looking at him. I prayed that we weren’t taking the same bus and thankfully we weren’t LOL. Accidentally made eye contact with him when he sat down on his bus which was sufficiently awkward >_>
My bus came and I said my goodbye to Christine. Oh and parents were freaking out that I was out “so late” even though I told them the night before that I would be out and to expect me whenever I get there -___-
Eventually got home around 9:30.
Skyped with the boyfriend later that night after he finished work. Our most non talkative conversation as he was still left stunned and speechless about what happened earlier in the day. Ahhh so cute :)
End to the most perfect (including the creepy parts) first day of summer :) <3
- - -
Baiser - Kiss